That’s it. It’s done. It’s over.

This is going to be my last post, I’ve decided, because then this blog will be throughout my high school career. My high school experience and how it changed me. All the many hardships I faced, fears, infatuations, and my accomplishments. I thought that once that chapter in my life was over, it was time to start afresh.

I graduated from Williamston High School on Sunday, June 3^rd. I wore my white cap and gown, and received my bronze cord. It was one of the most overwhelming experiences I’ve ever been through. I remember sitting in my seat, facing the stage and realizing that this was it. I’m actually graduating. I was so nervous when he called my name, and I walked onto that stage. I’ve never felt so clammy in my LIFE. I took my diploma from my principal, and just continued walking. Just like that, and it was over. I was done. I was waiting to blink my eyes, and just like in the movies be 30 years old, living a whole different life. I was waiting for something extravagant to happen, just a sign to prove to me that it was really finished. But everything just continued forward, just like I continued to walk off that stage.

Tuesday night I had one of the biggest panic attacks I’ve ever thought I could have. I began to think that I was making the huge mistake of going to CMU. I thought I had just jumped into it, and didn’t think about it. I thought I wasn’t ready to leave home yet, and that I couldn’t live on my own. I stayed awake all that night, and didn’t get any sleep. The following morning, I was off to Mt. Pleasant for freshmen orientation. Once I got there, I felt at home. It was like all my fears were washed away, and the realization hit me that I could do this. This was going to be my home for the next four years. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

So I guess that’s it. I don’t want to drown my final post out with the latest drama, and what I normally sit and complain about.

Watch out Central. Here I come.

Ciao.

Happy last day of school...

Today was my last day of high school. I was happy. But now I'm not. I shouldn't be crying on my last day of high school. But here I am with my mascara streaming down my face. Now I have to go to work with my eyes all puffy and red, and then go to a dinner where I wasn't even invited in the first place.

Can't hate the '08.

But I sure can try.

Ciao.

There's never a dull moment.

So this weekend was probably one of the best I’ve had in a while. Friday morning I walked out of my room at 10:30 only to find Ellie curled on my couch sleeping. She ever brought her own blanket. After that it was pretty much decided we were just going to skip the entire day. We didn’t end up doing much, sat around mostly, and then went to Sunny Side to get some breakfast. After breakfast, we just continued to sit around. Later on we had decided we were going to go out clubbing that night. By the time we got all dolled up, and got some food, we decided we didn’t really feel like going. Under the false understanding of delicious liquid and a fire fighter, we followed Brad to Denny’s… which eventually just led us back to Ellie’s house. What a waste.

Saturday night turned out to be entertaining, to say the least. After I got off work, I met up with Ellie and Kara, over at Ellie’s house. We watched the Tigers game for a little while, and also watched them WIN! Anyway, Dan and Glen came over and watched it with us for a bit. After the game, we somehow came to the conclusion that we were all 18. Off to the Lions Den we went! It was probably one of the most awkward, and amusing trips we’ve ever gone on. After wandering around for about 45 minutes, and laughing harder than I have in weeks, we headed back to Ellie’s house to find Craig, his cousin, and his sister. We hung out for a while, and then headed to Denny’s ONCE AGAIN.

The next morning we slept until 1, and finally decided to get our lazy asses out of bed. I turned my phone on and ended up getting about 20 text messages from my boss, saying he needed me to come in and help him out. So I threw some pants on and sped off to work, only to get the end of a big rush. That was totally worth it... Not to mention I got bossed around by a 4’4” ginger bitch who thought she owned the place. Bitch.

Later that night the three amigos decided to go out before we started another hellish week. So after getting all attractive once again, we had a large debate on whether or not we should see a movie… or try hookah… I’ll give you a hint: we didn’t go see a movie. We walked in and had absolutely no idea what to do. I ended up texting McBride and he gave me a lot of pointers. After Kara got out of work she joined in on all the fun. It was a pretty cool new experience. I would definitely do it again.

I guess that’s everything.

Ciao

Memorable moments… for everyone else… courtesy of me.

“YOUR CAR SOUNDS REALLY HOT!”

“THE SEATBELT IS CHOKING ME…!”

Ready for the weekend!

It’s passed midnight, and I cannot sleep! I swear I’m becoming a night owl more and more each night. Meh. Whatever.

Today was actually a pretty good day. Mom has been bugging me about taking my pill, and so I finally did. What a difference a little pill can make! My entire mood did a 360, and I had the biggest burst of extra energy that I’m not used to. I guess I will start taking them again.

Only went to two classes today, but that was quite enough. It’s a little bad when even two classes feels like practically the whole day. Tomorrow I will do the same thing; Friday we’re off to Detroit for our fun weekend. When I got home today I finally-FINALLY got to watch Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights… INCREDIBLE. Holy cow I was not expecting to react to the movie in such a way. Oh, and Diego Luna? Gorgeous. The movie really made me aware of one thing: how very single I am.

Went to work and had a really good night. Jessica and I re-patched everything which was good. After work she came over; we were going to go to the casino, but the parentals wouldn’t allow me to. So instead we watched Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights again! I could go and watch it for a third time!

I guess that’s it.

Ciao.

No. It's not enough.

It is always easier to say something when it doesn’t come straight from your mouth, isn’t it? Let me explain: face to face conversations always seem to be the hardest, so that is why most of us use these blogs to get out our true feelings. For it be one of many reasons such as: too self-conscious, afraid, nervous, or just the simple fact that having a computer screen in front of one’s face, makes them feel as though they can curse the world. What is my reason? I feel as though I’m under some kind of verbal obligation that doesn’t allow me to say what I really want to say, in front of their faces. I’m always so afraid of hurting everyone else’s feelings. So once again, here I am.

You’re sorry you didn’t hear it from my face? There is so much more you have yet to here.

I’m tired of you always being depressed.
I’m tired of how you always put yourself down.
I’m tired of you always feeling sorry for yourself.
I’m tired of you making plans, and canceling plans only to remake said plans later.
I’m tired of how you always say you wasted my time over “all these years.”
I’m tired of you always biting my head off, or being short with me.
I’m tired of you wasting so much unnecessary energy worrying about C, and all the things she has, and what you don’t have.

But there’s still more:

I miss you showing up at my house everyday.
I miss all the adventures we would skip the entire day for.
I miss having you there when I need to talk to someone.
I miss the long random conversations we could come up with.
I miss the midnight runs to ANYWHERE.
I miss seeing you smile and laugh for just a few hours, because it’s then that you’re finally being yourself and not letting everything get you down.
I miss driving long places with the windows down either listening to Keith Urban, or the Gasoline song you always listen to when you’re feeling BA.
I miss the girl that could sit out on the bed of a truck for two hours with me, and not even remember what we talked about, but remember we were laughing uncontrollably at her stupid dog.
I miss having my older sister in my life.

I miss you. I miss having you around. I feel like all I ever do is get on your nerves. Stop being sorry for everything! Chicago sounded like a great trip, but there will always be other times for an even bigger trip. We’re both the same: we beat up on ourselves every chance we get. I know people change, and good things never last, but I don’t think I was quite ready for this to change yet.

Yeah. Kinda like that.

I panicked today; more than I have even panicked in my life. I can’t quite explain why, but it felt like I was suffocating. Everything was just too close, too available, and too real. I ended up ripping practically everything off my walls in an attempt to breathe, but all I ended up doing was making my room look… blank. I can’t get over the feeling that everything is closing in on me at the moment.

That’s all I have to say.

Bing Bing Bing Bing!

Finally, my awaited 18^th birthday, and so far it was more than I could have ever asked for! Friday night I had to work, but then Ellie and I ended up watching the Game Plan at her house until the early morning hours. It was much better than I expected it to have been; both of us ended up crying out eyes out at the end. The next morning, she finally slept in until 11 (shocker, I know) and then she went into crazy date mode. She took me home around 2:45 and went to her date in Novi, which apparently went really well! When I got home I spent some quality time with my brother, which is always rare nowadays. It is always nice when I get to spend time with him, because we both have such busy schedules that always seem to clash.

Anyways, I went to work that night and did not enjoy it one bit. I absolutely despise working with John and Joren, not only for the fact that they are still stuck in the post-dating, pre-redating thing, but I’m really beginning to think John is not a huge fan of me. Jessica eventually came in to close with me at 7, and things went alright from there. For some reason I felt the horrible urge to prove myself to John, to somehow change his mind about me? I ended up cleaning the entire kitchen, practically by myself until close. Jessica and I were beginning to get on each others nerves, which isn’t much of a rare thing these days. Although the whole situation is getting to be a little old, I’m quickly losing the patience to keep dealing with it.

After work I came home, Ellie following right along, took a shower and got all cleaned up. From there we headed out to Brad’s cousins house, which is way out in the middle of nowhere. We had a ton of fun, well that is until I decided to flip out on Ellie for absolutely no reason. I felt really bad afterwards, mainly because she just broke down into a complete drunk sob, but at the same time I don’t. It just gets really old when that same type of phrase continues to come out of people’s mouths, and they are always directed towards my best friends.

I ended up driving her car home at like 2am, and we passed out pretty quickly. Woke up at 9 with anticipation and excitement practically bursting through every pore because today was the day that we got to go to the CASINO! Got ready pretty quickly, well… I did, and headed home to meet dad and Leo. We pulled into the parking lot, and dad got “his” parking spot, which ironically someone was just pulling out of right when we were pulling into the parking lot. As we walking into the front doors, Ellie and I just kind of stopped and stared. It was as if we had just walked onto a movie set; everything was dinging, blinking, and lit up. By the end of the night I had began with $87, got up to about $200, and then lost it all. $87 in the hole!