Rudolph the red nosed reindeer.... is hanging in our garage...

Christmas is coming to an end folks. The night is almost over, and once again real life sets in.

Christmas was awesome this year. We didn't have many gifts under the tree, but I was fine with that. I love my family dearly, and could have crushed my parents in a hug for even getting presents since things are so tight right now. I'm going to get them a few nice things they want later when I get the money.

After practically dragging my brother out of bed at 10:30, we opened presents. I got a riding vest, a cute shirt, tank tops, gloves/scarf/hat, and a Visa gift card. Eric got a muffler, lol that was really funny. We were joking and laughing all morning about how all of our money went into buying dirt to fill up the pool. Dad was practically in tears because he was laughing so hard. We were also joking about how Santa hates us because we have Rudolph hanging in our garage by his legs (Leo shot him, took him to get processed and he was frozen. So he is "thawing" in our garage. Yes.... it is very gross).

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer.... is hanging in our garage...

Then it was time for GRANDMAS HOUSE! So, I got very pretty, I even straightened my hair, because I decided not to be lazy and just put it up. Let me just tell you... I looked HOT! (Insert peer laughter here). I stuffed my face with grams fabulous food, then we ordered Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the new one, and watched it. I just need to say that Johnny Depp is still horrifyingly attractive with a pansy hair cut and ugly purple clothes. Don't judge me...

I'm in such a good mood! I even IMed a bunch of people to say 'Merry Christmas!' and like two out of the 15 actually kept a conversation with me.

Gotta get up early tomorrow to take care of Frannie's horsies! Oh boy! Then on Tuesday I'm leaving town to go celebrate Christmas with the other half of my family. I don't want to miss pit though, for more reasons than one.

Ja Ne!

Whats today again?

TODAY WAS SO MUCH FUN! I got to hang out with Jessica from 9:30 this morning to 11:40 tonight! We are scary together.

We cleaned the barn this morning... well actually we stood around and talked for about two hours, then Eric, April and Justin (Omfg he is soooooooooooooo hot!) came in and we talked some more. Then we finally decided to clean, it took 40 minutes. Record time thanks. Went home got changed, went to Jess's house and just hung out there. Watched The Brothers Grimm- awesome movie.

Left at 6:30 to go to Mount Hope Chruch to watch the performance. It was an amazing performance, but I thought, granted it was in a church, it was a little inappropriate that they were trying to, not really convert, but push Jesus into our lives. Some of the things the guy said really just made me want to get up and leave. I just don't feel comfortable when someone trys to tell me I'm going to Hell for the sins I make, and if I don't asked to be forgiven I won't be.

Fantastic performance though, I'm glad Nick told me about it.

The show got done around 9:30, and we both thought, hell- its early, lets go see a movie! So we went and saw The Ringer, with Johnny Knoxville. Funniest movie ever! Go see it!

One more day till Christmas! I have no presents to give =(

Except! Josh Groban (he was on sale!) and that uh one Alhao somthing guy for Jessica! Who in return is giving me Johnny Knoxville (She thinks he is too old for me... Psh... age doesn't matter!) and someone else very special! Oh what a great Christmas it will be!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Up. Date. Ing.

I finally decided to update. I'm home alone and there is nothing else to do.

Last Friday was the last day before Christmas Break. I had a good week, surprisingly. When I went back to school everyone was in complete shock that I was kicked, and practically everyone knew about it. Even though I only told three people... I got some presents from a few of my friends, and shampoo and conditioner from Trisha. Haha she made me into a charity case. I turned in my research paper that had been weighing down my shoulders, and I think I did a nice job on it.

I felt bad though, I didn't and still don't have money to buy anyone Christmas presents this year. I've got $20 in my bank account, and $13 in my purse. I still owe Gil, my farrier, $100 for shoeing and trimming Nightingale and Will. I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to pay him, then in January they get their feet done again and I've got to come up with another $100. My mom keeps telling me that she could come up with a bit to help me pay, but I know she doesn't have the money either. It's frustrating. I need to get another job, but I can't drive. I can't help but feel selfish with my two horses, while we are sitting here with absolutly no money. I know I should sell one... but I just don't have the heart. I'm so attached to both of them I would never be able to.

I found out somthing that really upset me yesterday. My dad, who is having problems finding houses to paint, is thinking about going to New Orleans to help with reconstruction. When I heard my mom tell me that over the phone my heart stopped. I know he's strong and he can handle it, but I worry about him. After everything he's been through I just don't want him to go through anything else. What if somthing horrible happens to him down there? What if he gets hurt? How long would he be gone?

I can't help but feel like my whole world is falling apart around me.

I wish there was a way I could help my family. I want to make enough money where dad didn't have to go down south, and mom wouldn't be so utterly stressed that she could finally get a good nights sleep. But what can I do? I'm 15 years old. I can barely take care of myself...

I just wish things would be easier.

I hate Sundays. I hate horses.

I hate Sundays. I hate horses.

Went out to the barn today. Dropped mom at the small barn to clean Nightingales stall; I drove up to the big barn to clean Wills stall. Got there, and grabbed the wheel barrow and went over to his stall. Opened it and went it. Scratched him on the neck, and easily pushed him in the corner. Turned around and went back to the wheel barrow. Heard him jump, turned around. Watched as he whipped around, and watched as his back foot got closer and closer to my chest. Felt the kick to the chest. Couldn't breath. Couldn't move. Just stood...

I got home and I cried, and cried... then cried some more. My parents are still asking me if it hurts. So I keep telling them no. But, it hurts. It hurts really bad but I can't tell them that. We don't have the money to go see a doctor. I can't put anymore stress onto my mom. So, I act strong and tell her I'm fine, and not to worry about me.

It hurt me really bad when my dad didn't even ask if I was ok. It made my tears come ten times harder. He never asked me if I was ok, and now hes not even home.

Jess just asked me if I was ok. I think I told her the truth... that I was fine. But I don't really know if I am.

>.< This week sucks.

"I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!"

Don't let your secrets pass you by. Who knows... They might feel the same way you do.

"KISSES!" <-- So funny...

6th hour once again. Nothing to do. Nothing new on the internet to look at. Its. Just. Boring.

Yesterday was defintely and interesting day. It had its ups and down. In second hour one of my friends got an emergency call on her cell phone. We went into the bathroom and she called it back, ended up her good friend who is in Texas for bootcamp got seriously hurt. He has put her on his list to call if he should get hurt. He had to have surgery at 12; I don't think she knows what happened.

In 2nd hour, Preston was being a jerk. Get this... two Prestons in one day! Toatlly blows... Anyway, while I was in the bathroom with my friend, apparently Victoria decided she was going to be a loud mouth, and because of her we had to turn in the assignment that originally wasn't going to be turned in. Yeah, guess who didn't have it finished! Thats right! ME! I got 5/20 on it, killed my, already suffering, grade. I serisouly hate him, his class, EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM! Then! He gave us a test that we weren't suppose to take until like tomorrow.... Good thing I did pretty good on that. Go me... 26/30!

Last night I ended up with a shit load of homework. How I hate homework... I was working on it all till about 8. Then I was talking to Nick for maybe a few hours. Lol "KISSES!" He drove by my house and honked. Yup. I heard him.

Pit tonight. Don't really want to go. McBride said he might be there, so that should make it a bit more interesting. I heard a bunch of people might end up skipping it. But I won't say anything, because last year I skipped practically uh.. all of them.

Until later I guess, I don't have anything else to write.

Ciao <3

I know its long, but theres a story in it!

Another day, another story. But todays story is quite entertaining!

So I was sitting in 6th hour today, my internet web design, and Mrs. Preston flips out, and starts complaining about our holiday webs. We were suppose to pick any holiday, and make a 5 page web site on that choice. I picked Easter, because I figured everyone else was already doing Christmas. I made my other four pages, and decided that for my 5th page, I would put a cute little story. So I got onto the internet, and searched up a story. I finally came across a website that had this at the top:

THE STORY OF THE EASTER BUNNY;
A HOLIDAY FABLE FOR MY DAUGHTERS
by: Max Burbank

I thought cool, he wrote this story for his young daughters to make them happy. So I read the first line:

On a fine Sunday Morning in Spring, you’ll wake up and find brightly colored baskets full of treats in the living room.

Then copied and pasted it onto my page. Once I was finished with the web I sent it to the teacher, and felt awesome cause I had the whole rest of the hour to do nothing.

Now... back to today. While Mrs. Preston was screaming at everyone I opened up my webpage to see if I had met all the requirements she was saying. I stopped on my story page, and was just glancing though it. Then I noticed, "No Shit!" Haha... well to say the least, I got very pale. I started to freak out. She continued to tell the class they had to redo the web pages, and the people that usually got 4.0's (only like 4 people including me) could go up and see if they had to or not.

So I went up to her desk and waited in line while the other girls got talked to. She opened my page... Glanced around it... clicked onto the story page... and stopped. Ohhhh man... Did my stomach drop or what....

Now what would you do if I just stopped there?

Wouldn't that just be soo annoying?

*Everyone advances with pointy objects* Haha O.O; Just Kidding...!

So she looked up at me. "Nice job Hilary... Just make one page with a bookmark and send it to me, and you 4.0 it." *Falls over* Score! Hilary makes it through yet another situation again!

Heres the story:

On a fine Sunday Morning in Spring, you’ll wake up and find brightly colored baskets full of treats in the living room. Later you’ll hunt for plastic eggs filled with chocolates and hair ribbons and toys. Later your father will hide in the garage and furtively gnaw the giant solid chocolate rabbit that came last week via UPS addressed to you, sucking pilfered nip bottles of Jaegermeister and counting his grievances. Who’s responsible for these fanciful delights? The Easter Bunny! But who is this Marvelous Hare and where did he come from?

Now do you see how that can be deceiving ? Oh, it gets better.

And what in the world does he have to do with the holiday for which he is named, apart from shielding you kids from the bloodthirsty horror of the real story, much the way Santa masks the tragedy of a child of God born to be sacrificed and the tooth fairy keeps you from dwelling overmuch on the sore bleeding hole in your jaw.

The Easter Bunny wasn’t always the Easter Bunny! Oh, my, no. He was born long before all that and was known for much of his young life as a loud mouthed Jew Bunny. Oh he had a lot of opinions on a lot of subjects like how rich people would never get into heaven, how prostitutes and tax collectors were better company than most pious folk and how throwing stones at an adulterous woman until she died was almost always naughty. That skinny little Jew Bunny had so many thoughts like that in his lop eared head they just came streaming out either side of his unsightly, huge, buck teeth! To make matters worse, he was making his fellow Jew Bunnies uppity. Naturally all the other animals hated him and wanted him to shut up.

"You know," said the Woodchuck, "It’s bad enough those Bunnies control Hollywood, the Media and the World Bank, but you let them get all fluffed up and political, next thing you know they’ll... well, they’ll... uh... do some damn Bunny thing we all won’t like, that’s for sure."

"No shit!" said the Duck, "I friggin’ hate them God Damn friggin’ Bunny frigs! I got a friggin’ pipe bomb and a friggin’ hate site on the friggin’ world wide friggin’ web wit that god damn friggin’ Jew Bunny’s name on it!"

"Well," said the Bear, "it pains me to say it, but I think we’ll have to do something about this Bunny problem."

"Them friggin’ god damn friggin’ Bunnies is up to their cotton tails with the Friggin’ ATF!" quacked the Duck maniacally. "Janet Reno’s a friggin secret Bunny!"

"I think we need to make a lesson of this Bunny," said the endangered Eastern Speckled Snail Darter.

"ARGH!" shrieked the Duck, frothing at the beak and tumbling onto the dusty desert ground in some sort of mild seizure, "The U.N. is controlling our thoughts! They’re drugging the friggin’ toaster waffles!"

So, children, to make a long story short, the animals found the loud mouth Jew Bunny and killed him, publicly, slowly, and in a particularly gruesome though totally legal state sponsored execution. However bad you imagine it was, it was quite a bit worse, but it’s all right and there’s no need to feel bad about the Bunny’s excruciating pain and suffering, because three days later he came back to life. After that no one saw or heard much of the bunny until many years later he was found hopping down the Bunny trail distributing painted hard boiled eggs.

"Say," said the Star Nosed Mole "Ain’t you that Jew Bunny? The one with all them opinions?"

"Good Christ, no!" lied the terrified Rabbit, thankful the Mole’s eyesight was unreliable. "A rabbit could get killed for that kind of thing. I just give out candy!"

So remember the lesson of the Easter Bunny children. People like a nice chocolate a hell of a lot better than hearing what you think. And if you have a rabbit of your own one day, remember, while they may give out eggs, they don’t lay them. So for the last time, stay away from the cage. Those aren’t Raisinettes.

And here I thought it was a childrens story...

I don't want this change...

I wish I could just go sit outside and stare up at the moon for hours. The moon is so mysterious, and comforting at the same time. Sometime when things get so overwhelming, thats what I do; I lie at my bedroom window and just stare. It always seems to take the demons I’m facing away, and leaves me with a content feeling. Tonight I only have one problem…

There is no moon.

It seems I have come across a road block. I always thought I was a strong person; I always like to keep my feelings to myself. Tonight was not the case. I’m a mess. I desperately need someone just to hold on to, and tell me everything will be alright. Who am I joking? I haven’t had someone like that ever. Except for one person. Now, he is leaving. Being sent off never to be heard from again. My heart is aching, as I try to be strong. I don’t want to be selfish, and tell him to do something drastic like run away. But it hurts. Even as I’m sitting here typing this, my tears are threatening to spill.

It makes me feel so vulnerable, a new feeling that I’m not used to. I wish things could just be good. I wish I could help everyone that needed me; I would give anything to make those things better. I would put everyone’s happiness before my own. I can live with my own grief, but I cannot stand by and watch other people hurt. I just want to close my eyes and make it better…

Tomorrow at school it will seem like nothing has happened. I will act as my normal, happy self. I hate acting. I was never very good at it.

Time to plaster on that happy smile once again. That smile that covers so many tears, so much pain, that nobody will ever see.

I’m strong… I’m fragile… but either way, I’m still here...

Lies, this is only 26 questions. Wheres # 12?

These are supposedly 27 questions that no one would ever think to ask.

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you think? "Ew..."

2. How much cash do you have on you? Like on me? None. I'm still in my Pj's!

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"? BEST!

4. Favorite planet? Saturn. It has rings ^-^

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? Kerry, who is also the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd.

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? I don't have any good ones :(

7. What shirt are you wearing? A soccer one, haha and it has a hole in a REALLY bad place..

8. Do you "label" yourself? I am a "LOSER!" Go me.

9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing right now. Ha what shoes?

10. Bright or Dark Room? Its medium!

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? Two people actually Matt and Rachel! I hate them... (Just Kidding!)

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? You know when you're lying in bed, and you are imagining all the things you wish would happen? Well I was doing that ^.~

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? I don't know I deleted it, but it was from Karlie threatning to not bring me Christmas lights for that parade. Haha cause I called her a retard!

15. Quote some rap lyrics: Eww. Rap. >.<

16. What's a saying that you say a lot? I don't know.. I laugh a lot! lol

17. Who told you they loved you last? Probably my madre like last week

18. Last furry thing you touched? My poochy Galahad <3

19. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past three Days? Dude like A LOT. Not. =P

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? A BILLION!

21. Favorite age you have been so far? Eh. *shrugs*

22. Your worst enemy? Myself

23. What is your current desktop picture? It's from Bleach! Which is the best! *Glares at Nick*

24. What was the last thing you said to someone? "Oy! You awake?" Haha I said Oy.

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret? HELLO! A MILLION BUCKS! I don't have a huge major regret, even if I did its already done and passed.

26. Do you like someone? Maybe.... o.o;

27. The last song you listened to? Blink 182, Always. It was on the radio!

Well that was fun.

Bleehh... Nothing to do. So I will post this before I start saying random things.

Ciao!

Found this, and really liked it.

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your life’s longings.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have been shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, with out moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstacy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bare the accusations of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithful, and therefore be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life from God’s presence. I want to know if you can live with the failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon “Yes!”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you are, how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Butterflies.

I don't think I've been this happy in a long time. I can't stop smiling, and even though my mouth hurts, I just can't stop!

I talked with him the other day, and we were both laughing. I don't think I've ever blushed that much while talking to a guy before. Everytime he looked I got this fluttery feeling in my stomach. Oh how I love that feeling. I'm kind of confused though. I had feelings for him a while ago, so I don't know if they are just old feelings that might still be there... Or if they are true.

Whatever they are I really like them. If they put me in a mood like this, they are welcome to stay as loooooong as they want!


As Hannah would say... Seize the day.

This post has no purpose

It's December! That means winter! Soon it will be spring again! O.o' Don't ask...

So like I said yesterday to all of my adoring fans (Right >.<) I was probably going to write in here today. Nothing to do, projects done, 20 minutes left of class. Oh. Boy. Haha can you tell I really don't have anything to write?

So today I was talking to everyone, and they were talking about graduation. Honestly I don't really want to graduate with my class. I would almost rather graduate, I don't know, early? For some reason I just want to...

Ugh... I HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE! There's absolutly nothing to do in this class. Only like two weeks until Christmas Break! Kerry said somthing to me about going uh, somewhere with her lol. I don't remember the place, but it has beaches, sun, no snow, warm weather, and so on. I think it would be awesome to go with her, but I doubt my parents will let me.

Pit tonight >.< that means I get to sit for 2 hours. good thing I have homework then huh...

Alright I wasted a whole maybe five minutes, but it's hard to write when I have that feeling that someone is reading over my shoulder.

Ciao =P