Bad Day.

"Bad Day"

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

I had a bad day, and I was singing this trying to feel better. It didn't work.

My family won't talk to me.
My dad thinks I do drugs.
School sucks.
My job sucks.
Being selfish sucks.
Being self conscious and jealous sucks.
AND I STILL WANT TO SEE FRANK >:[

Maybe tomorrow will be better. Sleeping always makes everything better. A fresh start for a new day. A very mundane new day.

How the anticipation is killing me already...

Ciao.

Why even bother anymore?

I hate how after a great day with one of my best friends, I let myself break down and turn into a wreck.

Today I spent the day with Frannie, and we had an awesome time! I didn't realize how much I missed what we used to have, until we finally started to talk like we used to. I actually was kind of worried we wouldn't have anything to talk about, and things would turn awkward. It never did though. It kind of surprised me, to be honest. But, like Ellie, everytime I hang out with her I seem to... lose... my money. :]

So the thought about selling Nightingale has been swirling through my head lately. God, how I don't want to sell her... She was my first horse, and I love her so much. I'm not happy with her being in St. Johns, and I don't like where she is. Sure other horses do fine there, but I don't think she does. I don't LIKE her being out there and although she is turning 18 TOMORROW she still has so much left in her.

Then the idea about selling Will came into my head. I don't even know what I was thinking when I bought him. Bottom line-- I'm an idiot. Everyone was right when they thought I wouldn't be able to train him. He's 6 years old and still can't canter with someone on his back. So what does that make me? A failure? Cause that's how I feel right now. A complete and utter FAILURE.

Way to go, Hilary. You screwed up what could-have-been a fantastic horse. Just another thing to add to the long list of failures.

What really hurt me was when I told Jessica my thoughts. All she said was, "Do what you want." Maybe that really was just as simple as that. But, I read into it far more than I probably should have.

I think I'm just going to throw in the towel. Why even bother anymore? I can't train a horse. If I joined a circuit, it would be a waste of money cause I wouldn't have a professional trainer-- So I would lose.

I just can't get over how much of a failure I am.



Pretty much worthless.