RIP Julie

xxCrimsonEnvyxx THOSE THAT SPEAK WILL BE HEARD

xxCrimsonEnvyxx THOSE THAT KNOCK THE DOOR WILL BE OPENED

xxCrimsonEnvyxx THOSE THAT SEEK WILL FIND

xxCrimsonEnvyxx what

xxCrimsonEnvyxx rubbish

It's slightly ironic that on the same day I was dragged to church by my grandparents-- thinking it was the biggest crock of shit, ends up being the same day I prayed to the Lord walking home in tears.

A member of our neighborhood was taken and murdered this weekend. Leaving behind 3 baby girls.

Our neighborhood planned a candle lighting in her memory this evening; lighting the streets with their flames. The entire street came, and everyone lit their candles.

It was heart wrenching to see those three girls. My heart was breaking just hearing their sobs.

It's hard for them now, but it will only get worse before it gets better.

So on the way home, I prayed.

I said to Him:

Forgive me for what I said earlier.
Forgive me for my thoughts.
Please, help the family.
Give them the strength to get through this.

I'm seeking, please let me find.
I'm knocking, please open the door.
I'm speaking for once in my life, please let it be heard.


RIP Julie

Overload

Overload.

There is just too much going on, and I can't decide if it's too little time or too much time before it continues. Now we're just stuck here-- to wait-- to think. At first I thought this was a good idea, but now I'm not so sure.

What happens if they reject us? Then we would just look like morons.

Is it possible for anything to come out of this? Friendship? More? I hope so.

I'm actually afraid to go back and find out. The last time all I could remember was panicking. Even when I try to think back to it I feel that same type of panic.

I don't want them to get the wrong idea.

That's not what we're there for.

A week to think it over-- before I make a decision.

Thing's happen for a reason right?

I'm waiting to see my reason.

Ciao.

ps.. The thing's you're most afraid of are always the most worth while.

Friday the 13th

Have you ever felt like you just get shafted on everything, your whole life? That’s how I’m beginning to feel. In my job, at school, the things I do, the things I want to do. Shafted. Then there are always those people that seem to get everything they always wanted. The looks, the money, the people, the attention. How modest they always are when things seem to be going so well for them. Good for them, I guess.

So last night was common ground, and I woke up that morning not even the slightest big excited. Brie, Jessica and I were suppose to go see Buckcherry, Papa Roach, and Hinder. The Bad Ass rock tour– its first night. I had paid for all three tickets, and Brie paid me for hers but I told Jessica not to worry about hers because of the gym membership. In the beginning I was thinking it was going to be Brie to cause the first couple of problems, but it was me that wanted to smack a couple of bitches around. What a waste though, honestly. I find out Jess didn’t actually know who the bands were, and then she had the nerve to call my music shitty and bad. Well that’s good, because she some of her music from me in the first place. So I was pissy before we even left the house, and we stopped to see John before we went into Lansing. Waited around while she talked to him, and eventually got out of there.

Got to the Lansing center about an hour and a half before gates opened, and just hung out. We talked to the people around us and just had a good time. Rushed the stage and saw Beckie, Emily and Allie there. The Exies got up on stage and sounded good. Jessica eventually said she started to feel sick from the bass. ...? Ok. So she left us there to go watch The Who on the other stage. I got a text from her saying she was leaving to go get food, and she would be back to pick us up later. Whatever. Buckcherry came out, and they were amazing. Papa Roach came out and a mosh pit started. Brie and I were stuck in the middle of it. We practically got crushed. Hinder came out. They were also amazing. They threw their alcohol cups at us, and I got some on my lip haha and it was good. Show got over and everyone started to leave. I almost got into a fight with a security guard because he was being an asshole to me. Found Jessica after the 8 mile walk to the car. Went home.

Found out some stuff.
Felt disgusted.
Lied to.
Annoyed.

You would think after 3 or 4 years of being friends, she would realize I’m more than just a funny person. Not everything is a joke to me, and I thought HER of all people would know that. She thought I would just laugh at it because, “Well you’re Hilary!” That’s what hurt me the most.

I take things to heart too, you know. Things affect me more than anyone realizes, and I don’t forget either. I told her not to close me out, but I’d almost rather she did.

So much for Chicago with my big sister.

Ciao.