Time

Is Christmas here yet?

Ahh! School is driving me insane! I remember at the beginning of the year, I kept thinking this was going to be one of the best years we would have in high school. That thought, or hope, has quickly become crushed. We have a year and a half left of high school. Left with the people we have grown up with for almost 12 years now. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm hella scared to leave. Not only that but I feel like my group of friends is breaking apart. I know people change, but I wanted all of us to be there when graduation came. I feel so hopeless when it comes to this, and I feel like an idiot when I think back and thought we would all still be great friends till the end. It's just like the saying goes: good things must always come to an end.

I've become so terrified of leaving high school. A year and a half. Thats it. I have no idea what I want to do; where I want to go. I haven't the slightest idea where I want life to take me. The only thing I've settled on is that I want to travel. I want to go out and see the world, and go everywhere I can. That's all I've got so far. It stresses me out, and recently it's like everyone is focusing on the future. I don't want to worry about the future, I just want to worry about now! I'm so afraid of failing, and I'm so afraid of not going anywhere in my life time. Why does it seem like I'm the only one worrying about this?

Time is scary.

Jaa Mata...

Thanksgiving Break

Booo it's Sunday. Booo we have to go back to school tomorrow. Booo for school. Booo.

Thanksgiving break was a long needed break. I loved going to bed at 2, waking up at 11. It was wonderful. I had the option all week of deciding what I wanted to do each day. Which was nothing. SURPRISE! I really had no obligations so I laid around all day.

On Thanksgiving we had a good day I guess. I was really disappointed with my dad, as usual. It just always seems that he does something to almost ruin it. Like that day, the race was more important than family. I really wonder with him sometimes; there are days that it seems as though he couldn't care less about me. Like I'm some burden he has to go around day in and day out. It hurts my feelings a lot, and it makes me feel like shit about myself. I really just started noticing this recently, but it still sucks. That and Eric wasn't even home with us. He had to go to work. We just ate, then left. Basic family holiday. It's as though none of us really seem to care.

The rest of the week I did little to nothing. Did pilates here and there. Read a couple fan fictions, finally got to talk to Dan again after 3 months. Yatta Yatta.

Brie's birthday is today! Yay! And! It was Angela's birthday yesterday! Yay! USAGIRIKU DAY! AND! It was Olivia's birthday on the 22nd! YAY!

..:..HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY BRIE!..:..
::..HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY REEkoOoO!..::
:..:HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY OLIVIA!:..:

Haha I think that's all of them.

So Brie's birthday pretty much was the highlight of the week. Kerry, Olivia, Ellie and I all went over to her house and completely trashed her room. It was very entertaining. I would post pictures... but I guess I didn't save them from Kerry. WHOOPS! Anyway, she got home today from up north and called my cell the conversation went a little like this:

*Ring Ring*

"Hello?"

"...."

"Hahaha.... Helloooo....?"

".... There's... Confetti.... in my... hair."

"... How'd you get it in your hair..?!"

"..."

"So did you like it?"

"..."

"Haha! Did you like it!? Heeelllllooooooooo!! What was your reaction!?"

".... "What. The. Fuck.""

Yes it was quite entertaining. I wish I could have been there when she walked in, but I had just gotten home from the barn and was attempting not to pass out (thats what happens when you don't eat since thanksgiving and then over heat youself).

So, that was my holiday break. Very fun. :]

Oh wait:

YAY! I GET TO TAKE JAPANESE THIS SUMMER!

Ok. Now I'm done.

(((((((Jaa Mata!)))))))

"Take a leap of faith"

Too bad I'm afraid of hitting the bottom.

1984

Every time I get on here to write something, I always find that I can never remember what I wanted to say. I always find myself thinking about what I want to say, or how I'm going to word it but when the moment arrives, I can never put anything that I actually want. I hate it. Is it because I don't have the ability to express myself in words? I always thought I did, and I always thought I did a good job at it. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this whole online journal thing since it seems to get me introuble more than anything.

So in English we're reading the book "1984" by George Orwell, and it really made me start to think. First of all the book follows the character, Winston Smith, and his life that is more or less controlled by one man also known as "Big Brother." He lives his life in a society of purity; a society that has no thoughts of its own. The people of this society, also known as the Party, is led to believe whatever Big Brother makes them believe. History is constantly rewritten, and books are constantly changed. It makes me wonder how real our own world is. How do we know what we do is real, and if it has any real purpose? It makes me wonder if we just weren't fed a bunch of lies, that some how planted themselves into our brains. Since we weren't there to see our own history, can we trust the ones before us to relay it to us truthfully? I just wonder if there is some secret veil pulled out before us, covering our eyes, hiding something someone doesn't want us to see.

Once again I feel like a little love struck puppy. I think this time though, someone needs to hit this puppy on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. I can't much help but laugh at myself for this one, he really is the "Prince Charming" kind of guy. Here I couldn't stand the kid for the longest time; wanted to smash him in the face with something everytime I heard his pre-pubescent voice behind me. I don't really get him, now that I think about it. He just kind of does his own thing. Random, yes. But... his own.

So I guess I have to go now, because Matt, Ski and McBride are being angry and want me to play Guild Wars. WELL FINE. I WILL. >:P

Ciao.

Just an update.

So I just remembered that in two days it will be mine and bloggers two year anniversary. How cute. Please, stop and leave me a loving comment.

Soooo much has happened, and I don't even remember when I last posted. Last Thursday I went to Chicago with Jessica. Let me just say, Chicago is the most amazing city ever. Although we didn't get to see very much of the city, I'm so excited now that we will be moving there in four years.

School has been a drag. I have no time to go out and see my horses, and when I do it's only long enough to clean their stalls. I have homework every night and I HATE it! But the book we are reading in English, 1984, is really good. I like it a lot. It's much more mature than the books we have been reading up till now, and for that reason I can actually get into it. Human bio-- still kicking my ass, but slightly less. FST still a waste of life, but better when I actually pay attention and do work. Career Center is just boring, and I really don't like any of the people there except a few. Autumn came back-- THANK GOD! She is like the only person that I talk to, except Crystal. Brytani and I have the chance of becoming friends. I like her, but I don't understand why she doesn't really have any friends.

Brie-- I know you read this, and I hope you choke on a pretzel. If you don't know WHY I'm mad at you, then you are an idiot. And for that reason, I don't want to even talk to you.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
she is pissed at me right now for NO REASON AT ALL!! but hilary. defenatly.

Fuck You Sweetheart.