Goodbye FLAB!

So another week has rolled around, and in a couple days will pass. How tedious it seems when you look at it in that perspective.

Really though, this week hasn't been too bad. On Saturday I hung out with Jessica, and I went with her to her Weight Watchers meeting. I thought it was pretty cool actually; an environment where you didn't have to worry about who was judging you because everyone was there for the same purpose. They give a pep talk and hang out "BRAVO" stars for people that accomplish small things towards a healthier life. Good for them, a little motivation can go a long way. I was tempted to say something to get myself a star, but I didn't have anything to share.

While we were waiting for the meeting to actually start I had the sudden urge to go swimming... Swimming lead to calling the YMCA in Haslett. Calling the YMCA led to gym membership fees. Well, I think you can guess what comes after that. So after driving back to Leslie to get Jessica's stuff, driving BACK to my house to get my stuff (and take 45 mins shaving my hairy man legs) we were off to the gym!

There was a REALLY hot guy at the front desk. His name was something like, Gaelon... But he called himself "G." He got us our cards, and got us all set up.

Good God am I out of shape. I will just leave it at that.

So we've worked out for the last four days, and today was our first day off because I had to go to work. Tomorrow it's back to the gym! Maybe the hottie lifeguard, Pat, will be there.

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Funny story. So I was driving to work today and was slowing down to turn into the driveway but this guy behind me was NOT slowing down. So being good ol' smart me, pulled into the SLIPPERY ICY driveway.. and continued... to drive... into a bush. Yeah. I was pretty embarassed when it came to walking up to my boss's front door to ask him for help because I thought my car would be a good decoration to his shrubs. Dad and Leo ended up coming out to help push it out.

I was pretty mortified.

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One thing that made me smile today: "That sucks, because you're really smart."

HAHA! IT MADE ME GLOW FOR HOURS!

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JA MATA!

Overwhelmed x a billion

I figured it was about time to update again since my mind will soon explode with the mass amounts of nothing filling to the brim.

2007 has proved to be... horrible. Well, I guess I shouldn't really be blaming everything on the new time period. Most of it is my fault. No, all of it is my fault. I don't understand, I've turned into some crazy person that sits and watches box set DVDs of funny TV shows to make me laugh. Alright... So I've only resorted to that within the last week, BUT STILL! I've yet again pushed my friends away from me, and avoid talking to most people unless I have to. It always seems to get like this, is this how life is always going to go? Things will be going great for a while then, like a carpet being pulled out from underneath me, things turn for the worse. I guess it just comes down to one thing: I want to be happy. I want to be able to wake up in the morning, and look forward to each new day to spend time with my friends and family. Then that same quote I read only God knows where comes back to my head, "Happiness cannot be found, it just is." Right. If happiness just "is" why can't it just pull back around the corner and make another stop here at the Holland house? I'd greatly appriciate it.

So the whole barn issue is.. slighly resolved. We got the two horses out of there, Will to Jessica's, and Nightingale to Linda's. Will is doing well, he likes his new home. I miss Nightingale so much since I haven't seen her since the move. St. Johns is far from here, and we haven't had a chance to get out there. Now comes the big legal battle. Should be great.

I'm beginning to think my blog is losing its effect on me. Usually when I write all this out that feeling of being overwhelmed lessens, but today it hasn't. I think it might have actually risen. Great. Just what I needed. More for the crazy girl to think about.

Let them say I'm crazy.What do they know?

It's going to be a long year.

The Worst New Year I've Ever Known.

Happy New Year. It's already ready the second day into the new year, and already it is proving to be a horrible year.

Things were going great on the surface of it all (besides the fact I already got a speeding ticket). My new car is amazing, I finally got a blanket for Will, and I love my new job. It was just a taste of the good life. A taste of happiness. A taste of what could be, but apparently never will be.

I had spent Friday and Saturday with Ellie. We had fun, like we normally do. I always just feel like a replacement for her when Olivia isn't around. The, "Well Olivia can't come over so do you want to?" I hate that feeling. Then I found out she had invited Cassy and Olivia up to her Condo for new years. I think after she told me she was taking them she felt obligated to invite me. Or try to invite me. I'm so tired of not being good enough for people. I guess what we always joke about is right: I'm just the package deal and nothing more.

I woke up this morning knowing it just wasn't a good day. The last day of break, the day where I had to cram all the homework I hadn't done. I laid around with Brie this morning watching tv, and just hung out. Mom eventually got mad and made me get up so we could go out to the barn and clean stalls. First thing we noticed was Will had already ripped his new blanket, and things just went down hill from there. Gene came up and told us they had got an evicted notice. That's right, the inevitable closing of Silhouette Manor had finally come. They were originally suppose to close today, but there was no way to move everyone out that fast. We have till Sunday.

Within less than a half hour the decision was already made: we have to sell Nightingale. "Are you okay with that? Will you be able to handle it?" Do I have a choice? "Well you don't enjoy riding her anymore." Yes I do, I just couldn't because of her shoulder. We also have to find somewhere to take Will, not that we have money to board him anywhere. The two places we're looking at are Jessica's house, and Linda's house. Either way its half a tank of gas there and back, and they have no place to ride.

My life went crashing down within an hour, and all I can do is sit here and cry.

I guess I can say bye to my goal of showing him this summer.

Why can't things just be easy for once.
WHY CAN'T MY FAMILY HAVE A FUCKING BREAK?!

Fuck the world. Fuck God. FUCK LIFE.