----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Hilary
Date: Aug 25, 2007 12:03 AM


I don't actually know if you go through your messages, or reply to all of them but I thought I would give it a try. I remember reading your article in Figure magazine, and thought, "Wow, she really DOES accept who she is." It amazes me, and practically everyday I find myself wishing I had the confidence you do. But, as things turn out... I don't. Have you ever felt like you were being overshadowed, or pushed to the background by your friends or family? I constantly feel like that, and I've found I bury myself into this hole. I'm TIRED of feeling like I'm worthless, and I'm TIRED of feeling like I'm never good enough. I HATE having such a high then dropping to an all time low. I know you've said you don't really know how you have the confidence you do, but I don't know, you're a big role model for me and I was just wondering if you've ever had this type of problem.

Thanks for being such a great person, and role model!

Hilary

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Mia Tyler
Date: Aug 25, 2007 11:34 AM


Well, this has to start from within... You kind of need a reason... Like when I was younger and I was in a bad place, I thought of my little sister and how sad her face would be if anything bad happened to me. You need to find your reason, learn to let go and live your life the best you can. And screw what others think. If you feel like you are being pushed into the shadows by others then maybe its your confidence thats keeping you back. Why on earth would a beautiful girl like yourself feel un-important? You seem like you have so much to offer people. And if the people around you dont appreciate you then find new people who do!!!

--

She's my role model!

Ciao.

"Everything was so much easier when we didn't have a care in the world. Our only problems would be if there was enough cheese in the fridge to make nachos for lunch, or if we used it all up the day before."

Things are already starting to change, starting that transition from summer freedom back to educational solitude. I know this for the fact that I'm getting those phone calls, and those messages, from everyone in an attempt to hang out or get together. Guess I should start putting in a little bit of effort.

I went over to Brie's house last night, after we hung out the entire day, and spent the night there. I figured I haven't seen her basically all summer, and wanted to spend some time with her. It wasn't as though it was awkward or anything, but there was just something off. It wasn't how it always used to be; there was some type of unspoken question of thought on both of our minds. We ended up getting into one of those in depth conversations that last for hours, and you don't even realize that the time has passed so quickly. I found out a lot of things. Things that completely surprised me, and others that didn't in the slightest bit. But in the end every single one made me feel worse and worse about myself.

I keep feeling like I've put myself into this hole. I constantly feel terrible about myself, and keep running myself down. I've cried more now, than I have in my entire life. I don't know where it suddenly came from. I was fine. Or at least I thought I was.

Could I change one thing?
Could I change your mind?
Shall we burn it just like the last time?
I can't change a thing, can't explain why I never felt it
Not even the first time.

Ciao.

Making Memories

Have you ever just sat down, listened, and heard nothing before? I just did that right now. Today there is nothing going on. No where to be. No one to make happy. Today is my day to sit and think, and be as LAZY as I want to be.

I had my last day at work last Thursday, but I found I really didn't want it to end. We had formed a close group of friends in the short amount of time we worked there, and it was kind of hard leaving knowing I wasn't going to see them until possibly next year. I'm also glad it ended, not for the fact that now once again I have to find another job, but I get three weeks to myself, and to the friends I haven't seen over this entire summer break, and to focus on the last games of the season. It should be a good last three weeks, until my last year of high school.


SPEAKING OF MY LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL! I went and got my senior pictures done a week ago. I really wasn't looking forward to it, but my mom, Jess and I all went out to Khols and got some really cute outfits. We got there, and my photographer, Kendra, was a real sweetheart. We had a ton of fun shooting the pictures. I'm excited to see how they turned out, I really hope there were some good ones in there.

This year I know is going to be different. I know I say that every time a new year rolls around, but this time I can practically feel it. At the career center we are going to be doing on site training, and learning skills and such. I'm so excited about doing that, and that's what I can't wait to get back to. Plus I am going to be a Teen Volunteer at Sparrow Hospital! I signed up last April-ish and I got a call about a month ago. I went in for an interview yesterday afternoon, and NAILED IT! I signed up in Radiology, and I can't wait to start. I'm a little worried though, just because when I first start things my head always seems to be spinning out of control, and I can't retain the information that well. Things will work out though. They always seem to. I don't have a start date yet though, but I will be going in every Thursday. I feel like I'm just one step closer to that goal I'm trying to reach, and it makes me feel great.

Kerry and I are now members of the Lansing Lugnuts Booster Club! We signed up early August, and so far it's been a blast! We've met a lot of really great people, and always look forward to seeing them at all the games. We are slowly working our way into talking with some of the guys, but coming in this late in the season makes it a little hard (or that's my opinion about it). It's going to be sad when the season ends, not only because this has been a huge part of our lives this whole summer, but we won't get to see all the new friends we've made. We are really excited about starting next season, for the fact that we will be there from the beginning. The guys will be younger and closer to our age which will be a lot of fun for us. Plus in that one in a million chance that everything works out, we might have an apartment somewhere close to Downtown Lansing. Closer to the hospital for me, LCC for both of us, as well as the stadium. Think of the gas we will save!

We are currently the only two teenagers in the Booster Club, and you can tell by some of the things they do. There need to be some changes, and I don't know why none of them thought about some of the things I'm noticing need a change. Good thing I know the new president from when I was younger! It also helps that his wife likes us! We're totally in. :D

Alright well I guess I'm done now. So much for having nothing to do today, I have to go take food out to Will. Oh well. Haven't seen him in forever.

Oh and by the way... Did you know on the Monster energy drinks, they have the monster M on the tab? I never knew that! Just thought I would share that with you since I noticed it just now.

Get it. Done!

Things to do in the next three years:

-Finish senior year of HS
-Finish top of my class at Career Center
-Live to my 18th birthday
-Don't spend $2k given to me on 18th birthday
-Get as many scholarships as possible to LCC
-Get into Nursing program at LCC
-Move out... with friend AND/OR new roommate... ANYONE... JUST NOT HERE...
-Get a job at Sparrow Hospital while working on RN degree
-Finish RN degree in 3 years
-Live happily ever after...

Oh

-Find a man?

Sounds good to me.