Forgive, but not Forget.

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

Summer's coming to a close, and I don't know how I feel about it. Sure, I feel like it's been completley wasted on nothing, and I could have made it much more exciting. We had orientation this morning. I enjoyed seeing everyone again, I did miss some of my friends a lot. I'm really hoping this year is going to be different for Brie. She's changed a lot over the summer, I finally got her back to the person she used to be. The drama's so last year, this year will be different.

So currently World War III is going down at my house. Dad and I got into a huge fight last night, and aren't talking to each other. It started over the stupidest thing: I wouldn't let him use MY computer to check his stupid e-mail. It's like wtf? It's mine, you don't have to use it if I don't want you to. He continues to tell me I have another thing coming, and I'm so selfish... Well you know what dad? I'm not going to fight you. You win. I'm a bitch. I'm worthless. I won't make it anywhere in life. I will always come crawling back to you, "daddy" because you know what's right, and I know nothing but the wrong. No one will want me, and I will always be alone. I'm glad you were there to tell me all of this, because without you... I would be no where. Oh, and I'm glad you didn't say anything about my hair because even though I love it so much, since you don't like it-- I don't either.

I'm confused, and I'm hurt. I just want to be loved.

Tuesday. Nothing happens on Tuesday. I skipped work this morning, because I REALLY didn't want to go. Mom was pissed at me, but whatever I don't care. The new seretary they just recently hired, Amy, was fired. I feel bad for her, she went out to buy all new clothes for this job because all she had was suits. Apparently she wasn't qualified enough for the job, and on the simpliest tasks would ask for help from Jayne. But since they fired her... I have to start working at the front desk again. The thing I hate the most at the horrid job, I have to do my last week. Bah.

So State show was this weekend. It was a complete, and utter disaster. We trailor down on Saturday night, and Nightingale was absolutely disgusting. I was embarassed to walk with her she was so dirty. Didn't leave that night until around 9:30-10. Got home, stayed up till 11. Passed out. Got up early on Sunday and drove down. I was excited when I got there because for once, in all show history, she had stayed clean. So we hang around, and the show is moving at a damn snail pace. 3-4 classes before mine I tack her up and go warm her up. She felt and looked fantastic. I was so pumped up, and I knew we would actually have a chance in these classes. With my hopes high I take her back into the barn and wait for my class. Jessica came to help support me, and I was happy she came. A class before mine, I get her back out and go to warm her up again.... to find she was lame. I couldn't believe it. She was perfectly fine going one way, but the instant you changed her bend she was off. Everything hope I had, was crushed. We wouldn't have any chance, not at this show. Jessica got on, and figured out she would limp less if I counter bent her in one difection. I tried it.. Yeah it worked, but was I going to be able to keep that up for my four classes? We went into the first class, and in my split there were 19 other riders. I think every single girl in the arena was wrenching, and pulling on their horses mouths the entire time the class went on. Then! THEY all placed! It was to most unfair judging I have ever seen in my life! I gave up and went home. Not only was I not going to have a chance the entire day if he was placing like that, but I didn't want to hurt my horse even more.

I feel like I could sleep for the entire week, and just not do anything. That's the kind of mood I'm in. I just want to hide, and be left alone :[

[[What if I wanted to fight ]]
[[Beg for the rest of my life ]]
[[What would you do? ]]
[[You say you wanted more ]]
[[What are you waiting for ]]
[[I'm not running from you]]

Ciao.

Sleeeeeeeeeepy..

It's 3:15 and I'm at work, and I'm ungodly bored. I'm lonely cause there's no one to talk to, and tired because I don't sleep at night anymore. I have and hour and 45 minutes left, but hey! Who's counting?!

So this weekend I have state show, and I really just... don't want to go. I'm tired of horse shows, it's all the same crap:

I show good
I place low

Whatever, I don't even care anymore. I feel like my entire summer has been wasted on these stupid horse shows, and this mind numbing job. I didn't get to go on any trips; I barely saw any of my friends, and I've watched more music videos on the internet than I thought was humanly possible.

Yeah well, my supervisor just walked in. I was caught. Haha oops :)

Ta.

August? Since when?

It's August. I don't remember when August came, nor do I want it to leave. When September comes school begins. I'm not looking forward to school at all. I don't want to see everyone I left behind back in June.

Hmm... Well I officially HATE my job. When I go in every other morning, I find myself wanting to shoot someone in the face. It wouldn't be so bad if they actually gave me something to do. I sit in the library all day, logging books. At least I don't have to deal with people though, that's one good thing about it. They hired a new girl, Amy. She's really nice and she answers the phones. Brian left... the one attractive male in the ENTIRE BUILDING. Yes... he left. Off to med school. I was sad when he left. It made my days a whole lot longer.

My grandma is in the hospital, and has been for the last week. She had to have surgery, and is recovering. Thankfully it wasn't horribly serious, but it still wasn't a walk through the park. Since our family is so big, the day we found out she was taken to the hospital, our phone would not stop ringing. My aunt Carol somehow got my cell phone number! I was like wtf?! She randomly called me in the middle of all this "just to talk." She annoys me badly. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't try so hard, but when my aunt Mary-Beth died, she took it upon herself to tell everyone else in the family. My aunt Mary-Beth was the woman married to my uncle for 20 years. Whatever, I just ignore her everytime she calls.

So Jessica and I have decided we are going to go to Chicago for culinary degrees. I'm really excited, and I know she is too. Jess called the guy from the school, and he even called her back once or twice. It really impresses me that he made the initiave to call back, it makes me want to go even more.

Yeah, I just wanted to update to prove that I'm still alive. I just havn't had much time..... well... I have, I just never wanted to update.

Live it up everyone, Summer '06 is coming to an end.

Ciao <3