Not good enough for the truth.

Last night was the long awaited Birthuation-- and what a complete waste of time and energy that was. The original guest list was about 40 people, and would you like to know how many people actually showed up? 12. 12 people showed up. Some of which were brought by the actual invited people. Are you fricking kidding me? It was later I found out that majority of my "Friends" had bailed out on me for stupid reasons. "We went four wheeling," "We have a family thing (Even though I'm lying straight to your face and I don't want to show up because you made SHIRTS, for something that is yours and Kerry's to begin with, without us)," "I didn't know where you lived." Or the ones that showed up for a good ten minutes because they had their lover boys waiting for them.

Well fuck you guys. Seriously. It's really an eye opener to who my real friends aren't. Once highschool is over, you stupid fucking skanks, good ridence. Don't go about passing off the HPV and clap too quickly, and make sure your babie's daddies pay their child support on time each month because whoring can't support a family of 5.

What. A. Waste. Of. My. Time. Energy. And. LIFE!
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Lately Kerry and I have been hittin' up the lugnuts games. It's been pretty sweet actually, and people are beginning to expect us there. There have been a few games though, where certain people have been trying to take my spot. Fags. Kerry and I made "<3 Poe" shirts, and are going to start wearing them to all the games we go to. Oh and the lugnuts have some pretty hot man meat! At least they don't look like little league players.

Kerry and Chris 4Lyfe. Haha.

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Can't wait for Common Ground! Hinder! Buckcherry! And Papa Roach! It's gonna be sweet!

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Ciao Bitches.

Unwell

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like Im headed for a breakdown
And I dont know why

But Im not crazy, Im just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
But stay awhile and maybe then youll see
A different side of me
Im not crazy, Im just a little impaired
I know right now you dont care
But soon enough youre gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

Im talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow Ive lost my mind

Once again I put myself out there and here I am again... crying over it. Well; not crying yet, but damn close.

I thought I was doing everything right.
I thought I might actually be worth someones time.
I thought I was told that they're missing out.

No one's missing out. Right when things start looking up, everything falls back into place:

I'm just the package deal... the one that takes up everybody's space and breathes all their air.

Happy Birthday.

The forecast reads: May BIRTHUATION!

Ok! Fine! I'll update!

Let me list everything that happened.

-Went to HOSA states. Nate and I killed our baby. :[
-Went to a lugnutz game with Kerry and Nikki.
*Johnny molested my eyes as he rubbed his ass
*Kerry became Poe's number one fan <-- t-shirts?
*We met a big guy in green, his friend 'Makeawish,' and a few others
*They thought we were 21. WRONG.
-Decided to actually start doing things in school
-Wasted my days on a crappy job
-Haven't had time to go to the gym
-Self esteem dropped a lot
-Got Leo to buy icecream
-Rode Will for the first time since the move, and almost died
*Almost killed the cause of the almost death
-Help put up poles for pastures at Jessica's house
-Began planning a Birthuation for Kerry and I
-Skipped school a lot
-Had Saturday school due to skippage
*Got donuts and coloring books with Brie
-Got my hair did. WEWT!
-Sat here trying to remember what I did since the 12th.

There ya go; my entire month of activities all neatly typed for your lovely eyes to read. Pretty sweet, yes?

--

So once again I find myself at the end of another suicidal person. How is it I always seem to be the one people go to for this? Do they not realize I'm not the best person to talk to about this? It makes me angry, mainly because they just sound so ridiculous and stupid when they try to make it sound like their life is probably the worst thing in the world. Get over it. Sure things get rough sometimes, and everyone has their moments but LISTEN to youself! YOU have the decision to either change your life piece by piece, which will take time, or sit and rot and just give up on everything. "Why bother?" Because you have people that care about you, and you're too stupid to realize that. What a waste, I think, to pull through for 20 years then to suddenly just call it quits. That's what I think is a loser; a failure. You're only a loser or a failure when you give up and give in. You have to fight for what you want out of life, but it's obvious he hasn't learned that yet. Nothing is handed to you-- where would be the fun in that?

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My 17th birthday is in two days! YAAY! YAAYAYAYAYAAAY!! I will be able to drive after 12am WOOO! Even though my parents don't let me stay out that long anyway.. but.. WOO!

Kerry and I are planning a Birthuation-- a combination of my birthday and her graduation. So far we have about 40 people on the guest list, and we're trying to plan everything out. Planning parties is kind of hard, but I'm so excited for it. I really hope everything turns out well, and people have fun.

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Ok. Sleep time I guess.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE!

Ciao.