Must... Be... More... Open... To... PINK!

Yay! Pink! I decided I needed some change! Change is good! Change is great! No! I'm am not doing drugs!

Where, oh where to begin.

Things have been a lot easier surprisingly. School is kind of just flying by which I'm happy about, and I've got my next two years planned out for classes. I've decided I want to go into the nursing field, and I'm thinking more about the emergency/ER nurse. I'm excited about going to the Career Center next year, I really hope it's all that I expect it to be and maybe more. It is kind of nerve recking though, because I've got this whole plan set for myself, to where by the time I'm 20 years old I will be a Registered Nurse out of college looking for a full time job.

Home life is easier as well, granted mom is about to walk out on us all. Dad has finally found some houses to paint, and mom is still working Saturdays. Eric and I still have not gotten paid for working out at the barn, and that's kind of frusterating us all at the moment. Between the two us of it's well over $1,000 and it's really quite annoying when you find out they go out every night to go eat because Gloria is far too lazy to cook something. So thy parents want Eric to go out and find another job, and I just kind of use their money when I go out with friends.

Jessica and I went out and saw Annapolis, with James Franco and Tyrese (sp?), awesome movie. It's kind of like Braveheart, where at the end you just feel so motivated to do somthing. Or so I've heard, haha I've never actually seen Braveheart. Then just the other day we went out and saw Curious George. Such an adorable movie! I want a monkey just like him, that would be so sweet. All of my friends laughed at me for wanting to see it, but I'm glad I was able to.

So, nothing to do tonight. Eric is off at a LAN party so I have no World of Warcraft, which has turned into my obsession yet again. I fear one day these online games will be the death of me :), too bad they are so fun. I really don't have much of a life, so I'm just going to stay home tonight and lay around.

That is all folks =P

~Hil

I think I'm finally starting to get it.

Things finally blew up on me tonight. Everything I have been keeping to myself, finally ripped free. I lashed out at my mom, without even thinking about it, and let out all the feelings, thoughts, and pain I have been building up inside of me. I guess it felt good to finally get some of it out; I'm dangerous like that, because I keep it all locked up.

School has been very hard for me. I hate it, and I don't want to go back everyday. I get there and just feel like I'm not wanted, and I'm not suppose to be there. I have a hard time fitting in with people, or making friends the way I want to because I'm always afraid I won't be accepted. I'm tired of those stupid girls that I'm suppose to be like. My mom always laughs because all the people from work want to meet me cause they've talked to the other ladies that have met me. Why? I don't know, they say I'm easy to talk to and very polite. That's funny. I can have an easy conversation with someone twice, or three times my age, yet I can't keep up a simple conversation about makeup with one of my own friends.

But you know? None of that bothers me anymore. I had a talk with my dad, and he helped me realize I'm more than this. I'm more than those stupid little fights, and I put too much of the world onto my shoulders. I've got so much to look forward to in my life, and there's no point to sit and worry about this bullshit.

We also talked about my future. A lot of my stress has been from what I want to be when I grow up. It really got me thinking since tomorrow we scheduel for my junior year of high school. It was like a smack in the face that I'm running out of time to decide what I want. I don't know. I'm thinking about music, or medical field, or a random writing field. I'm just in so many areas, and I've had many colleges send me stuff already, that it seems like I HAVE to decide NOW!

I've got time. I'm only 15, I've got my whole life infront of me.

Ciao

Ick..

No everyone I promise I didn't die. I just definitely havn't felt like updating.

Anyway, I'm sitting here in first hour, and I am completley bored out of my mind. We have to work on this stupid project, and I got my partners picked for me because I was sick. Well... I got stuck with the two people I would NEVER choose. Preps. I love how when I ask a question I always get the small muffled answer. It continues to amaze me how they give me the smallest amount of work to do because they don't think I can handle a lot. I wasn't aware I was retarded... So yesterday I blew them off and skipped first hour. I thought it was kind of funny but whatever.

Things have just been going I guess. Nothing exciting ever really happens to me. Mom is working Saturdays, dad isn't doing anything. I havn't seen Eric in days. I'm almost ready to give up riding horses, because I will never be as good as I want to be. I hate how people think I'm not going to be able to train my new horse. I hate how they always look at me like I made a mistake in buying him. I will get it in my head that I will show them, but then I always back down in the end. Will has a lot of potential, nobody sees that except me.

I am about ready just to quit everything I have ever pushed for. Just go out, and get a stupid department store job. Then sit at home.

That's what I want.