Damn you Darkangel

Whoa, my life is so messed up lately. It kind of went from fine to Holy shit!

It all started Thursday, Olivia, Emily and I stayed after school and just planned on hanging out. Well the night before someone really pissed off Olivia, and she knew she was going to see them that night so she was planning on doing something really mean. Well we were just hanging out in the band room, and HE came and she just let him have it. And you know me and Emily just kind of followed along, even though that little voice in the back of our head was like, ‘Dude don’t be retarded, your going to get your self in trouble’ well being the smart girls we are, we didn’t listen. The whole night seemed like a total blast at the time until we had to leave. When we got home, we all felt so horrible. And it was affecting me the most. I always get the major knot in my stomach, and its so painful it brings me to tears. The only thing about that knot is it will never go away until I try to correct wheat I’ve done.

When I was trying to apologize, I felt like such a moron. I was saying things that were really desperate sounding and then a huge argument came up and everyone was accusing one another. It was horrible and nobody trusted anyone. And it was me that started it all; if I had never talked to him in the first place we wouldn’t be in this situation. Rationally, I know its not all my fault. But Irrationally, I know I could of done something to stop it all, I could have been the one to put my foot down and stop it all. And for not doing that, it’s coming back and biting me in the ass.

I went to Olivia’s Friday night. Emily was there too, but we were having so much fun. It was nice to get our minds off the whole situation. But then we made a huge mistake. And I look back at it now and he’s right, it was really immature. Well what we did was got on my old screen name, and he already thought it was someone else. What we were trying to do was get information from another person’s point of view. Well I knew I could leave and not tell him who it really was or I would feel really bad about it Monday. So I told him and we got into another huge argument and at the time I felt so angry and I just wanted to scream so many things right in his face. But remembering it, I do feel immature. I am only 14 but that still isn’t an excuse for the way I acted. And I all I was trying to do was say I was sorry, but I know that isn’t going to work. I hurt so many people not even thinking about it and I made myself, and my family, look completely retarded. But there’s not much else I can do about it.

Sorry Hannah!! But I’m quitting pit! I don’t like it anyway and I don’t feel like wasting my time doing it. Besides I cant play the music anyway and I don’t feel like practicing. And, in January I’d rather take drivers training instead of going to rehearsal for what..? 7 hours. So yah good luck to you all!