I can't save the world

Lately, life is kind of confusing. Not just my little boring life, but in general. It seems like I've been taking a step away from the actual picture and just watching from a distance. People truly are confused, and sad. They put on such happy faces during the day, trying to show people that they are okay, when their really not. It really scares me, when someone I know hides their true feelings, hides behind a happy mask they put on every morning after they wake up. I've found that I always put someone elses happiness before mine, if another person isn't happy then I get the feeling that I did somthing wrong. I know that's not right, but I don't like seeing people I care about being unhappy.

What happens when you've helped people for as long as you can remember, but then you just run out of words to say? You just stop caring. Is it bad to be selfish to a point to push your friends aside, and forget? It seems like lately everyone is just drifting away from others, most of us are feeling the same thing, but are to afraid to confront it.

Last night I went to the movies with Frannie, then we went and got some food. She asked me if I wanted to go out to eat with her, Ski, and Christina for follies. I said yes, I mean who wouldn't. I got home later that night and felt undeniably guilty. I felt as though I was abandoning my friends, since were having problems anyway. I called Olivia and I just froze up. I was terrified to tell her, I was scared that she would think I was backing out. We've always talked about traveling together when we got older, always doing everything together. And now our first follies dance I'm not even going to go with my friends. I still feel like I'm a horrible person, but I know I shouldn't.

I need to back out of everyone else's lives for a while, and take a good look at my own. Fix some of the wounds that still have not been healed. I need to learn that I can't save the world, I can't help every person I meet, but I am me, and I'm only here for a short while.