You say...

You say I'm pretty, but not beautiful.
You say I'm nice, but not caring.
You say I'm good, but not great .
You say I'm fun, but not exciting.
You say I'm smart, but not intelligent.
You never say the things I truly want to hear.

Well it is Sunday once again. I am beginning to hate Sundays, you know why? Because Sundays are dark days. Day where there's absolutly nothing to do, where your mind wanders into places you try to forget. Or places you bury inside. Sunday always brings them back; those dark thoughts, the regrets, the what if's, everything.

Have you ever been in one of those moods where you just want to listen to those really depressing songs, and just sulk? I'm in one of those moods right now. So I'm listening to 'Forget It' by Breaking Benjamin. It's the song I always listen to when I get into moods like this. It just seems to help.

Don't mind me as I continue to switch topics.

I was talking to Matt last night. We were talking about relationships, and dating, and all that exciting stuff. Well, the conversation led to guys not liking me and so on. Well, I found out:

1) I'm a lot to handle
2) I'm loud
3) I'm Intimidating
4) I'm Intimidating cause I'm tall
5) and because I punch hard
6) I need a submissive guy
7) Guys are pansys
8) and shy

I can see why Matt thinks I need a submissive guy, I am a lot to handle. But, I don't want a submissive guy. What fun is it when you always get your way? Those stupid little fights about what movie we should go see on a Friday night gives the relationship spice. I want that one guy that is always a mystery; not somone I can read like a book. I want to get that giddy feeling in my stomach everytime I see his name on my phone for an incoming call, or when he smiles from across the room at me. Tall, dark and mysterious.

I seriously am too old for my age. I feel like a 25 year old in a 15 year olds body.

Only two days of school next week, that should be good. I'm ready for the break, it'll give me time to catch up with my emotions which are way out of the ball park right now.

I thought I would post this song, because I'm listening to it. Again, and again, and again. You get the point.

It's a crime you let it happen to me
Nevermind, I'll let it happen to you
Out of mind, forget it there's nothing to lose
But my mind and all the things I wanted

Everytime I get it I throw it away
It's a sign, I get it, I wanna stay
By the time I lose it I'm not afraid
I'm alive but I can Surely fake it

How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me
You're the part of me that I don't wanna see

Forget it

There's a place I see you follow me
Just a taste of all that might come to be
I'm alone but holding breath you can breathe
To question every answer counted

Just fade away
Please let me stay
Caught in your way

Forget it

It's a crime you let it happen to me
Out of mind, I love it, easy to please
Nevermind, forget it, just memories
On a page inside a spiral notebook

Just fade away
Please let me stay
Caught in your way
I can live forever here

Forget it

How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me
You're a part of me that I don't wanna see

I can live forever here

-Forget it, Breaking Benjamin