I think I'm finally starting to get it.

Things finally blew up on me tonight. Everything I have been keeping to myself, finally ripped free. I lashed out at my mom, without even thinking about it, and let out all the feelings, thoughts, and pain I have been building up inside of me. I guess it felt good to finally get some of it out; I'm dangerous like that, because I keep it all locked up.

School has been very hard for me. I hate it, and I don't want to go back everyday. I get there and just feel like I'm not wanted, and I'm not suppose to be there. I have a hard time fitting in with people, or making friends the way I want to because I'm always afraid I won't be accepted. I'm tired of those stupid girls that I'm suppose to be like. My mom always laughs because all the people from work want to meet me cause they've talked to the other ladies that have met me. Why? I don't know, they say I'm easy to talk to and very polite. That's funny. I can have an easy conversation with someone twice, or three times my age, yet I can't keep up a simple conversation about makeup with one of my own friends.

But you know? None of that bothers me anymore. I had a talk with my dad, and he helped me realize I'm more than this. I'm more than those stupid little fights, and I put too much of the world onto my shoulders. I've got so much to look forward to in my life, and there's no point to sit and worry about this bullshit.

We also talked about my future. A lot of my stress has been from what I want to be when I grow up. It really got me thinking since tomorrow we scheduel for my junior year of high school. It was like a smack in the face that I'm running out of time to decide what I want. I don't know. I'm thinking about music, or medical field, or a random writing field. I'm just in so many areas, and I've had many colleges send me stuff already, that it seems like I HAVE to decide NOW!

I've got time. I'm only 15, I've got my whole life infront of me.

Ciao