I Love Being Me.

What is it with you guys and NOT LEAVING ME COMMENTS ANYMORE?! I feel so unloved... I guess I will just type to no one then.

Today we had a assembly, during first hour, about stress. The school had gotten a presenter named Guy Doud. When he first came out it was a little weird, I thought it was kind of a joke, but after he started talking I really just zoned into what he was saying. Everything he talked about I could relate to, and it just gave me a good feeling that I'm not the only one that has thoughts like that. He talked about his life when he was younger, and about his peers, and everything he was talking about, the embarassment, the nervousness, I could relate to. Elementary School was hard for me, because like he said, at school he learned one thing... He was fat. I remember going to school and having a hard time fitting in because I was taller and bigger than the other kids. I have always been self conscious, and thats one of the reasons I don't have a boyfriend and other things like that. I'm not secure enough with myself as a person to believe someone when they tell me I'm beautiful or pretty (which I still don't think I am).

I couldn't help but laugh at all the preppy girls around me when he was talking about self mutilation. I laugh because they are naive. And I laugh because I know that they do it too. They try to be perfect and the prettiest, (or the dumbest in some of their cases) but I think I'm finally starting to realize that everyone has their own problems as well. It really made me take a step back, and really look at them as individuals instead of just, preps.

My secret is out. Matt now knows who I am obsessing over. It feels good to finally have my secret out. I've kept that locked up for over a year and a half, and even though I told him lies in the past, he didn't laugh or get mad. I guess it felt like I had this sense of security afterwards, like I know I can trust him. Thats a good feeling.

So I guess you can tell I'm in a pretty good mood right now. I like this feeling, besides the headache, everything is perfect.

The reason it's perfect is because I have thought over a lot of things. I finally realized I have been wasting my energy on things that I didn't need to. For example, the guy I like - has a girlfriend. I have been constantly thinking about the what if's, and I'm done with it. I know that someday I will find my Prince Charming, and he will love me for me.

Knowing that.... makes me feel perfect.