I'm not jealous...

I'm not jealous. I'm envious.

Why am I envious? What is there I want so badly? Emily's dating Josh, Trisha's dating a kid from Haslett, Amber and the freshy Josh, Ellie and Kevin. Why do I care? Sure I'm happy for them, but then why do I feel this burning resentment? I wasn't aware of it until I saw Emily and Josh today. Now I just want to do the only thing I know how to, hide. I want to withdrawl myself from everyone, and just be alone. That's what I do, I completley close up and shut myself down. Why? I dunno, I just always have. But what I don't understand is why I'm so bitter about it all...

Maybe I am jealous. Jealous of what they have, and what I want but will never find. Could envy and jealousy lead hand in hand?

I think I am jealous. :(