Up. Date. Ing.

I finally decided to update. I'm home alone and there is nothing else to do.

Last Friday was the last day before Christmas Break. I had a good week, surprisingly. When I went back to school everyone was in complete shock that I was kicked, and practically everyone knew about it. Even though I only told three people... I got some presents from a few of my friends, and shampoo and conditioner from Trisha. Haha she made me into a charity case. I turned in my research paper that had been weighing down my shoulders, and I think I did a nice job on it.

I felt bad though, I didn't and still don't have money to buy anyone Christmas presents this year. I've got $20 in my bank account, and $13 in my purse. I still owe Gil, my farrier, $100 for shoeing and trimming Nightingale and Will. I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to pay him, then in January they get their feet done again and I've got to come up with another $100. My mom keeps telling me that she could come up with a bit to help me pay, but I know she doesn't have the money either. It's frustrating. I need to get another job, but I can't drive. I can't help but feel selfish with my two horses, while we are sitting here with absolutly no money. I know I should sell one... but I just don't have the heart. I'm so attached to both of them I would never be able to.

I found out somthing that really upset me yesterday. My dad, who is having problems finding houses to paint, is thinking about going to New Orleans to help with reconstruction. When I heard my mom tell me that over the phone my heart stopped. I know he's strong and he can handle it, but I worry about him. After everything he's been through I just don't want him to go through anything else. What if somthing horrible happens to him down there? What if he gets hurt? How long would he be gone?

I can't help but feel like my whole world is falling apart around me.

I wish there was a way I could help my family. I want to make enough money where dad didn't have to go down south, and mom wouldn't be so utterly stressed that she could finally get a good nights sleep. But what can I do? I'm 15 years old. I can barely take care of myself...

I just wish things would be easier.