I know its long, but theres a story in it!

Another day, another story. But todays story is quite entertaining!

So I was sitting in 6th hour today, my internet web design, and Mrs. Preston flips out, and starts complaining about our holiday webs. We were suppose to pick any holiday, and make a 5 page web site on that choice. I picked Easter, because I figured everyone else was already doing Christmas. I made my other four pages, and decided that for my 5th page, I would put a cute little story. So I got onto the internet, and searched up a story. I finally came across a website that had this at the top:

THE STORY OF THE EASTER BUNNY;
A HOLIDAY FABLE FOR MY DAUGHTERS
by: Max Burbank

I thought cool, he wrote this story for his young daughters to make them happy. So I read the first line:

On a fine Sunday Morning in Spring, you’ll wake up and find brightly colored baskets full of treats in the living room.

Then copied and pasted it onto my page. Once I was finished with the web I sent it to the teacher, and felt awesome cause I had the whole rest of the hour to do nothing.

Now... back to today. While Mrs. Preston was screaming at everyone I opened up my webpage to see if I had met all the requirements she was saying. I stopped on my story page, and was just glancing though it. Then I noticed, "No Shit!" Haha... well to say the least, I got very pale. I started to freak out. She continued to tell the class they had to redo the web pages, and the people that usually got 4.0's (only like 4 people including me) could go up and see if they had to or not.

So I went up to her desk and waited in line while the other girls got talked to. She opened my page... Glanced around it... clicked onto the story page... and stopped. Ohhhh man... Did my stomach drop or what....

Now what would you do if I just stopped there?

Wouldn't that just be soo annoying?

*Everyone advances with pointy objects* Haha O.O; Just Kidding...!

So she looked up at me. "Nice job Hilary... Just make one page with a bookmark and send it to me, and you 4.0 it." *Falls over* Score! Hilary makes it through yet another situation again!

Heres the story:

On a fine Sunday Morning in Spring, you’ll wake up and find brightly colored baskets full of treats in the living room. Later you’ll hunt for plastic eggs filled with chocolates and hair ribbons and toys. Later your father will hide in the garage and furtively gnaw the giant solid chocolate rabbit that came last week via UPS addressed to you, sucking pilfered nip bottles of Jaegermeister and counting his grievances. Who’s responsible for these fanciful delights? The Easter Bunny! But who is this Marvelous Hare and where did he come from?

Now do you see how that can be deceiving ? Oh, it gets better.

And what in the world does he have to do with the holiday for which he is named, apart from shielding you kids from the bloodthirsty horror of the real story, much the way Santa masks the tragedy of a child of God born to be sacrificed and the tooth fairy keeps you from dwelling overmuch on the sore bleeding hole in your jaw.

The Easter Bunny wasn’t always the Easter Bunny! Oh, my, no. He was born long before all that and was known for much of his young life as a loud mouthed Jew Bunny. Oh he had a lot of opinions on a lot of subjects like how rich people would never get into heaven, how prostitutes and tax collectors were better company than most pious folk and how throwing stones at an adulterous woman until she died was almost always naughty. That skinny little Jew Bunny had so many thoughts like that in his lop eared head they just came streaming out either side of his unsightly, huge, buck teeth! To make matters worse, he was making his fellow Jew Bunnies uppity. Naturally all the other animals hated him and wanted him to shut up.

"You know," said the Woodchuck, "It’s bad enough those Bunnies control Hollywood, the Media and the World Bank, but you let them get all fluffed up and political, next thing you know they’ll... well, they’ll... uh... do some damn Bunny thing we all won’t like, that’s for sure."

"No shit!" said the Duck, "I friggin’ hate them God Damn friggin’ Bunny frigs! I got a friggin’ pipe bomb and a friggin’ hate site on the friggin’ world wide friggin’ web wit that god damn friggin’ Jew Bunny’s name on it!"

"Well," said the Bear, "it pains me to say it, but I think we’ll have to do something about this Bunny problem."

"Them friggin’ god damn friggin’ Bunnies is up to their cotton tails with the Friggin’ ATF!" quacked the Duck maniacally. "Janet Reno’s a friggin secret Bunny!"

"I think we need to make a lesson of this Bunny," said the endangered Eastern Speckled Snail Darter.

"ARGH!" shrieked the Duck, frothing at the beak and tumbling onto the dusty desert ground in some sort of mild seizure, "The U.N. is controlling our thoughts! They’re drugging the friggin’ toaster waffles!"

So, children, to make a long story short, the animals found the loud mouth Jew Bunny and killed him, publicly, slowly, and in a particularly gruesome though totally legal state sponsored execution. However bad you imagine it was, it was quite a bit worse, but it’s all right and there’s no need to feel bad about the Bunny’s excruciating pain and suffering, because three days later he came back to life. After that no one saw or heard much of the bunny until many years later he was found hopping down the Bunny trail distributing painted hard boiled eggs.

"Say," said the Star Nosed Mole "Ain’t you that Jew Bunny? The one with all them opinions?"

"Good Christ, no!" lied the terrified Rabbit, thankful the Mole’s eyesight was unreliable. "A rabbit could get killed for that kind of thing. I just give out candy!"

So remember the lesson of the Easter Bunny children. People like a nice chocolate a hell of a lot better than hearing what you think. And if you have a rabbit of your own one day, remember, while they may give out eggs, they don’t lay them. So for the last time, stay away from the cage. Those aren’t Raisinettes.

And here I thought it was a childrens story...