I don't want this change...

I wish I could just go sit outside and stare up at the moon for hours. The moon is so mysterious, and comforting at the same time. Sometime when things get so overwhelming, thats what I do; I lie at my bedroom window and just stare. It always seems to take the demons I’m facing away, and leaves me with a content feeling. Tonight I only have one problem…

There is no moon.

It seems I have come across a road block. I always thought I was a strong person; I always like to keep my feelings to myself. Tonight was not the case. I’m a mess. I desperately need someone just to hold on to, and tell me everything will be alright. Who am I joking? I haven’t had someone like that ever. Except for one person. Now, he is leaving. Being sent off never to be heard from again. My heart is aching, as I try to be strong. I don’t want to be selfish, and tell him to do something drastic like run away. But it hurts. Even as I’m sitting here typing this, my tears are threatening to spill.

It makes me feel so vulnerable, a new feeling that I’m not used to. I wish things could just be good. I wish I could help everyone that needed me; I would give anything to make those things better. I would put everyone’s happiness before my own. I can live with my own grief, but I cannot stand by and watch other people hurt. I just want to close my eyes and make it better…

Tomorrow at school it will seem like nothing has happened. I will act as my normal, happy self. I hate acting. I was never very good at it.

Time to plaster on that happy smile once again. That smile that covers so many tears, so much pain, that nobody will ever see.

I’m strong… I’m fragile… but either way, I’m still here...